I am at a point of my spiritual journey where I see discrepancies in the Church and I'm trying to figure out what that means to me and come to terms with them. With recent events, such as the Church's political involvement in California's ban on equal marriage Prop 8, the building of the Church owned City Creek Mall in Salt Lake City across from Temple Square, visibility of the Church and some of it's members like Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney and Mormon feminist Joanna Brooks, and church leaders apparently bullying their way past city ordinances and protocol of a residential neighborhood in order to build taller buildings at the MTC in Provo cause me to think. Related societal (mostly non LDS church) current events, like the recognition of Howard Zinn's would-be 90th birthday, the Chick-Fil-A protest and counter protest, the success of the Broadway musical The Book of Mormon, the ban of gays in the Boy Scouts of America, and the so-called Mormon Moment also cause me to think.
And past Mormon events and stories, from Joseph Smith's prayer asking God which of all the churches was His, on up to the timely prophetic ban of polygamy cause me to think.
I sense a common theme of honesty, and a lack thereof, in how the Church communicates it's history and current story. (Not the organized leadership structure or the teachings of Christ, the center of our faith, but the body of the church -- the general membership and leadership). It's a bit too white-washed and clean for my taste. Especially when there are factually historical and current evidences to suggest otherwise.
So I chose to talk on honesty since it is a fundamental principle of Christ like living. After my talk below are all the links to references that helped create this talk, and I give full credit to them as I used them to piece together my talk which I glued together with my own thoughts, connections, and transitions. My talk was written for an LDS audience in the context of a Sunday sacrament meeting, therefor, you need to read between the lines to get what I am talking about specifically, both historically and currently. But those specifics are not appropriate for the context in which this talk was given, though I tried to mention some of them in this pre-talk introduction. I'm too lazy to go through my talk and add lengthy addendums sighting those specifics. Sorry. The following is a slightly revised version of my talk I gave over the pulpit last week. Mostly the changes make it more easily readable in this blog format, and I included notes of where the beginning and ending of stealing someone else's main ideas and words. :-)
So, here it is. One person's comment last week was, "Good job. It was, uh, deep."
My talk on honesty:
It is known by many that we believe in being honest (various
scriptural references and Article of Faith 13). Sometimes being honest is
difficult because it may shed light on issues we are not ready to deal with, or
maybe there are different versions of the same history that demand attention to
know what really happened … keeping in mind that the most accurate account may
not be the one you want, or the most popular, or even that there is only a
single version. It may be that story A AND story B are both honest and
true. I learned about embracing 'and' in my masters program. Try
it. It’s actually quite helpful.
I understand that we feel we need to be perfect, or appear
to be perfect, on an individual, institutional, and national level. Who
doesn’t want their best foot forward?
Being honest by admitting to a lie, a well-intentioned lie, or even a
lie for a greater cause, makes it very clear that we are not perfect. And
when I say perfect, I mean that we have this perception, this nuanced Mormon
cultural code, of what being perfect is and how to live it. And coming to terms
honestly with the real issues feels like more energy than maintaining an
ideological façade. I think today’s LDS culture has a very high sense of
self-efficacy that dates back to our Mormon pioneer roots. Believing we
are capable of producing a desired result, that we can achieve our goals, may
also interfere with being honest if we are not careful. Being honest can
put a perceived kink in that desired result, that perfect path.
(now stealing from article
on Psychology Today by Ken Page, LCSW, a NY psychotherapist and author mixed
with my ideas) Donald Winnicott, the great psychoanalytic theorist, said
that each of us has both a true self and a false self we construct to protect
our true self. I think this can
happen on an institutional and national level. But in applying this
theory with my spiritual lenses, I see on a personal level that the true, or
authentic self is the being God created (or rather, made possible for my
parents to create), the spirit and the flesh together. The false self is the
development and progress of ourselves in this mortal state and how we deal with
our own mortality beginning sometime after birth.
Even with the belief that we existed as spirits before
coming to Earth and that our mortal experience is the time to be tested, I
think there is a bit of fear of our true selves. Enough fear that we
create a false self that is projected as the true self. Why do we do
this? Our quest for perfection is usually flawed from the start, because it
begins with the tyranny of comparison. The hours spent fixating on our drive to
excellence, living as perfectly as we can, are often hours spent avoiding
getting to know the core gifts of our being. These gifts are the places where
we feel the most deeply, where we long to express our authentic self. The Book
of Mormon scripture in Moroni 10:8 reads, "And again, I exhort you, my
brethren, that ye deny not the gifts of God, for they are many; and they
come from the same God. And there are different ways that these gifts
are administered; but it is the same God who worketh all in all; and they are
given by the manifestations of the Spirit of God unto men, to profit
them."
We may spend large parts of our lives avoiding them because
we sustain the greatest wounds around these gifts. These are special parts of
our souls. Yet, as safe as we may feel by avoiding our gifts, there is a cost.
Avoidance of our gifts leads us into situations and relationships that
compromise the true self. I think it distances us from powerful and meaningful
relationships with people, not to mention our relationship with God.
So why do we spend so much time focusing on everything else
but these gifts? The biggest reason is that our gifts scare us. In the
scripture D&C 46:26, in referring to the list of gifts in the previous 10+
versus (knowledge, faith, healing, working miracles, prophecy, discernment,
speaking in tongues) it says, “And all these gifts come
from God, for the benefit of the children of
God.” God has given us powerful
gifts to help others and that can feel intimidating. We are scared of our power. Scared because we feel it may
frighten others, and scared that it will frighten us. We’re afraid of showing
the intensity of our power, and afraid of feeling the intensity of that power.
At our core, we are all tender. Life teaches us quickly to toughen up. Our sensitivity to
the pain of those around us, and that of our own pain threatens to break our hearts.
The more authentic we become, the more we feel our tender soul. And in this
world, that can be scary. We’re afraid of feeling the depth of our tenderness,
much less revealing it to others.
At our core, with all our similarities, each of us is a completely
unique creation. We each have our own dreams, visions, and
hopes, but going too far with our gifts and originality is risky, because on
some level, we are herd animals. When we get too far from the pack, we begin to
feel insecure. “Will I end up all alone? Am I so different that no one will
want me?” As we go deeper into our authentic self, we become more
original--even to ourselves, and things feel somehow dangerous. So we protect
ourselves. We curb the power of our gifts and surprising originality. There
always seems to be a choice in front of us: do we express what's real, the true
self that God created with the gifts that he has given us, or do we express
what sounds right?
So how might we approach these fears in order to heal them?
The best way to transcend the fear of our gifts is through a current
relationship with them, through relationships with people, and ultimately a
personal relationship with Christ and Heavenly parents who also honor these
gifts. The key is through relationships, but not self-will. No matter how much
we are seemingly perfect our gifts won’t be revealed until they sense they will
be honored. And when we honor our gifts, we begin to glimpse the scary (scary-because-it’s
new-and-different), magnificent path to the things that truly matter most. What creative processes, what kind of
interactions, what environments nurture those relationships and get us in touch
with those gifts? The more time we spend there, the more alive and emboldened
our gifts will become.
At any given moment, we can think of countless ways to
improve ourselves. Yet there are wiser questions to be asked: what are the
gifts that already live in me, what holds me back from them, and how can I
liberate them in my life? (end of
my thoughts mixed with thefting from Psychology Today article) Be honest with
yourself. Do not fear your true
self, for perfect love casteth out fear.
(1 John 4:18)
In a talk titled Perfect Love Casteth Out Fear, Elder L. Tom
Perry says the following (for the sake of time and interest I have condensed it
from the original published version and added a few of my thoughts in
parenthsis): The Church is
receiving more attention across the world than ever before. Members of the
media write or talk about the Church every day, reporting on its many
activities. Many of the most prominent news outlets in the United States
regularly discuss the Church or its members. These discussions extend across
the globe as well.
At all times of the day across the entire world, the Church
and its teachings are being discussed on the Internet, on blogs (the
bloggernacle is a term from the words ‘blog/blogger’ and ‘tabernacle’ and is a
network of people blogging about Mormon issues) and social networks, by people who have never written for a
newspaper or a magazine. They are making videos and sharing them online. These
are ordinary people—both members of our faith and of other faiths—who are
talking about The Church of Jesus Christ of
Latter-day Saints. There are
prominent members of the Church in government, in business, in entertainment,
in education, and everywhere else, it seems.
Some have been taught to be suspicious of the Church. (Or
religion in general due to patterns of abuse of institutional authority and
power.) But the majority of those
with questions about the Church simply want to understand. We can share who we are (if we don’t
give into the false self to protect the true self.)
First, we must be bold in our declaration of Jesus Christ. “Wherefore, ye must press forward
with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love
of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the
word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall
have eternal life” (2 Nephi 31:20).
Second, be righteous examples to others. 1 Timothy
4:12 reads: “But be thou an example of the believers, in word, in
conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity.” And Matthew 5:16 says,
“Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and
glorify your Father which is in heaven”.
Next, speak up about the Church. When your professional and
personal associates inquire about your religious beliefs … they are not inviting
you to teach,preach,
expound, or exhort. Engage them in a two-way conversation—share something about
your religious beliefs but also ask them about their beliefs.
We should appreciate and approach such conversations with
Christ like love. Our tone, whether speaking or writing, should be respectful
and civil, regardless of the response of others. We should be honest and open
and try to be clear in what we say. We want to avoid arguing or becoming
defensive in any way. In speaking about the Church, we do not try to make it
sound better than it is. We need to communicate the message honestly and
directly.
I promise you that if you will respond to the invitation to
share your beliefs and feelings about the restored gospel of Jesus Christ, a
spirit of love and a spirit of courage will be your constant companion, for
“perfect love casteth out fear” (1 John 4:18).
(End of L. Tom Perry talk)
(This next part of my talk is mostly stolen from another LDS
member’s writings … Mitch Mayne to be exact.) The Rock Center special titled “Mormons in America” provided us as a faith with a potentially amazing
opportunity to give our fellows across the country a look at Mormons at their
best—honest, kind, compassionate, diverse, and a people who genuinely aspire to
be emissaries of our Savior’s unconditional love. Like others, I have my own
critique, but overall I thought it was done well by showing the diversity and
thoughtfulness of who we are and how we strive to live the teachings of Christ
and the Church.
There has been some discussion about the show concerning the
amount of time spent not on “us”, but on “them”, the disenfranchised, and the
fringe.
Elder Jeffery R. Holland once said, “some members exclude
from their circle of fellowship those who are different. When our actions
or words discourage someone taking full advantage of Church membership, we fail
them – and the Lord. The church is
made stronger as we include every member and strengthen one another in love.”
In Luke 15 is an account of our Savior being chiefly concerned
with the fringe, the type that certain mainstream Mormons get annoyed with. And
as always, His example is the ultimate when it comes to expressing
unconditional love. Verse
4 says, “What man of you, having an hundred sheep, if he lose one of them,
doth not leave the ninety and nine in the wilderness, and go after
that which is lost,
until he find it?”
In Mark 5, When Christ was on an urgent rescue mission for
the daughter of one of the Jewish synagogue leaders, a large crowd of people
followed him. Among the throngs of individuals, there was a "certain
woman," who pressed through the crowd to touch His robe in an act of
faith--that by doing so, she might be healed. Versus 22 through 34:
22 And, behold, there cometh one of the rulers of the
synagogue, Jairus by name; and when he saw him, he fell at his feet,
23 And besought him greatly,
saying, My little daughter lieth at the point of death: I pray
thee, come and lay thy hands on
her, that she may be healed; and she shall live.
26 And had suffered many things of
many physicians, and had spent all that she had, and was nothing bettered, but
rather grew worse,
29 And straightway the fountain of
her blood was dried up; and she felt in her body that she was healed
of that plague.
30 And Jesus, immediately knowing
in himself that virtue had
gone out of him, turned him about in the press, and said, Who touched my
clothes?
31 And his disciples said unto
him, Thou seest the multitude thronging thee, and sayest thou, Who touched me?
33 But the woman fearing and
trembling, knowing what was done in her, came and fell down before him, and
told him all the truth.
34 And he said unto her, Daughter,
thy faith hath
made thee whole; go in peace,
and be whole of thy plague.
Worse than her physical illness was the suffering she had to
endure at the hands of her brothers and sisters because of mental and emotional
shame inflicted upon her by her fellows.
Like so many, her desire was to be near the Savior, to look into His eyes, to feel His love for her. But this she could not do, because according to Jewish law, she was unclean. She, like so many ‘fringe’ Mormons, was judged unfit to mingle with the community, unfit to worship in the temple. She was an outcast--scorned, and unclean.
Yet, like so many times in His mortal ministry, Christ stopped and healed this woman. True, the physical healing must have lifted a tremendous burden. But the most important aspect of His kindness was healing her aching and broken spirit. For the rest of her life she would know that Christ knew her, that he noticed her, and that he accepted her. What a profound demonstration of our Savior's love, mercy, and kindness. What a tremendous example of reaching out to someone on the fringe.
Like so many, her desire was to be near the Savior, to look into His eyes, to feel His love for her. But this she could not do, because according to Jewish law, she was unclean. She, like so many ‘fringe’ Mormons, was judged unfit to mingle with the community, unfit to worship in the temple. She was an outcast--scorned, and unclean.
Yet, like so many times in His mortal ministry, Christ stopped and healed this woman. True, the physical healing must have lifted a tremendous burden. But the most important aspect of His kindness was healing her aching and broken spirit. For the rest of her life she would know that Christ knew her, that he noticed her, and that he accepted her. What a profound demonstration of our Savior's love, mercy, and kindness. What a tremendous example of reaching out to someone on the fringe.
Being numbered among the fringe is not a plague; but what
many of us suffer at the hands of others, is. What an amazing invitation this
story is for us within the Mormon Church to reach out to others and emulate our
Savior—for as Mormons, there can be no more worthwhile pursuit than becoming
like our Savior. And what an equally moving cry for those of other faiths, or
none at all—for there is little more virtuous a pursuit than striving for what
is right. And when we do I think
we get closer to our true selves.
I believe every single one of us is equal in the eyes of our
Savior, regardless of orientation, ethnicity, gender–or any other marker we use
as humans to define differences between ourselves and others. As such, I don't
believe it is ever our job to condemn, criticize, or mock another. The true
spirit of love we have for one another is kind, patient, and doesn’t demand its
own way.
And to those who have heard a scornful Mormon remark that
makes you feel like you are part of the fringe, we’re not perfect, and our
words and our actions may not always show the love we strive to hold in our
hearts, a.k.a. false self, and I think it has more to do with psychology,
sociology, and neuroscience than intentionally not living the Gospel. Which is not an excuse, we’ll get
better—it’s part of who we are.
Remember, we have a high sense of self-efficacy. (end of mixing my ideas with thefting
from Mitch Mayne)
So as we strive to find our true selves and use our powerful
gifts to help others, here is a list of tips for serving as summarized from the
Feb 1999 Ensign:
- Approach
service in your community with no thought of any particular benefit or
personal opportunity except to make your city or area better.
- Ask
friends in other churches about the service projects they are involved in.
- Expect
to meet good people and make new friends—and you will.
- Let
them see your desire is to make the community better.
- Let
your works prove your commitment; prove you’re not there simply to
do missionary
work.
- Reach
beyond your friendships in the ward or branch when you socialize and
serve. This is important because the stereotype is that we are an
exclusive social network.
- Learn
to express disagreement with civility when principles require you to
express a different perspective; yet maintain your ability to work with
people on the basis of principles that you agree upon.
- Be a
regular volunteer if possible.
When we approach it in the right spirit, not the spirit that
we are right, we will more honestly and effectively build the community we
desire, as we will be more close to the people we desire to be, our true
selves. And in the words of King Benjamin as recorded in
Mosiah 2:17, “And behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom
that ye may learn that when ye are in the service of
your fellow
beings ye are only in the service of your God.”
I believe being honest on a personal and institutional
level, embracing AND to resolve mortal imperfections even with our high sense
of self-efficacy and eternal knowledge, and that not fearing our powerful gifts
to serve others as Christ did, will yield a deeper, more meaningful and
powerful relationship with others and God.
1 comment:
loved it!
Post a Comment