I have been living in a small rural agricultural community for over 4 years now. I needed a job. They needed a teacher. I wanted to be in Oregon. The school I would teach at was in Oregon. I wanted to live in a small town. This place still is even though a couple of new neighborhoods and factories have gone up.
I don't mind it, but the landscape (or lack of it) was never part of my schema "happily ever after". I have since come to realize that we will be here longer than anticipated, which is okay because the people are nice. There are great things about where we live. However, it doesn't have the mountains and trees that I want. And not to perpetuate stereotypical or divisive us vs. them feelings, but as nice as people are there is a different mentality shared by the general population in Eastern Oregon that I have had a hard time adjusting to. Recently I have had panic attacks (okay, that's an exaggeration) - I have had feelings of panic. I feel trapped, like the opportunity to leave is closing. I get claustrophobic. I feel like options are disappearing the longer we stay. I hope this doesn't sound real serious because I'm not sure it is. I'm just having to realign my mental image to a current reality. I want mountains and trees. I know there are a lot of those on the other side of the state.
Maybe next time I'll write about the wonderful things our town has to offer.
1 comment:
lol. So I so know that feeling. I started thinking about Jack going to school here and started to hyperventilate (not really, just heavy breathing). I sure don't want to be here forever, but sometimes it seems like we will and that totally freaks me out, like we need to get out NOW. But it really isn't that bad.
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